Monday, July 2, 2012

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

I needed a temple trip, and I needed one bad. I was planning on meeting my cousin for a session and then grabbing a bite to eat afterwards. I left early and played pretty music the whole way there. I even brought my camera and thought I'd take a few shots before heading in. It was about the time I got out my camera and took this shot when I realized I had left my wallet at home... driver's license, debit card, and of course my beloved temple recommend. ARGH!!! Seriously Jessica!? Your cousin is driving from across town, leaving his sick wife at home to meet you at the temple, and you forget your recommend??? Nice going.
Photobucket
I'm going to derail and tell ya'll a quick story. It's quite a pathetic, funny little story.
 I yelled at a bunch of old ladies. Yep, you heard me, I yelled at a bunch of old ladies. Let me explain... One morning last week I asked my Mom to watch the kiddos so I could hit the gym and swim some laps. I really wanted to see if I could swim a whole mile without stopping and after my last "swimming in a lake" experience, I needed to get in the water.
 
Anyway, I get in and about 15 minutes later I hear this old lady saying something to me. I can tell she's the water aerobics instructor. I decide to ignore her and keep swimming. I'm trying to swim without stopping here folks! It begins to become obvious that this lady isn't going to leave me alone. I stop and she proceeds to tell me that her class is starting and that I have to get out of the pool. 

Something came over me that I'm not proud of. Anger. Mad dog anger.
 I yell from across the pool, "There are only 5 of you! Do you really need the entire pool? Can't you let me have this far lane?" 
Don't let this old lady fool you, she was fiesty and not very nice. 
"I'm sorry ma'am, I have to ask you to leave. This is my class and if you have a problem you can see the gym manager." 
I continue to boil. 
"This is absolutely ridiculous! You don't need the whole pool! Please let me keep swimming." 
"I'm sorry ma'am, you must leave or join my class." 
And then comes the ultimate shame. I pulled out the sympathy card. I heard my head say, don't do it, don't do it. But I did it anyway. 
"My husband is in freaking Afghanistan, I actually have a babysitter, and I need to practice so I don't drown in my next race! You aren't even going to use the whole pool!" 
She walks up to me and says, "I'm sorry your husband is in Afghanistan, but this is my pool and I'm asking you to leave." 
I am embarrassed that I've been yelling at these ladies, that I've used my sympathy card, and now I'm livid that it didn't work! 
"Don't tell me your sorry lady, you have no idea." 
Then I walk out trying not blink for as soon as I do I know tears will begin to spill out of my eyes.

Good grief. This isn't me. Jessica's just don't act that way. I immediately wanted to go home and squeeze and kiss my babies. They know how I feel. They know what I'm going through. And they certainly understand throwing the occasional temper tantrum. 

I have a perpetual "suck it up" attitude. Sometimes I feel like a rock- a stone cold rock. Where's my compassion? I'm certainly not the only one who has bad days. And I'm certainly not the only one who forgets their temple recommend. Luckily my bishop was able to vouch for me and I made the session with about one minute to spare. I made it! I felt so relieved and just sank into my chair as the lights began to dim. Trials have the tendency to bring out the good, bad, and ugly in all of us. I'm so grateful to have a Father in Heaven who not only says, "suck it up Jess" but who also gives me peace and courage to do the things I know I'm supposed to do. 

My hometown Temple... it has always made me so giddy that the stained glass are my two favorite colors, orange and yellow. :) 
I made it! That's all that matters. Let's try not to yell at any old ladies this week okay Jess? haha!
Photobucket

8 comments:

Nathan & Holly Larson said...

The whole point of the temple is to make us better! So I think you're good...and you deserve every right to have a bad day!! I'm glad things worked out!

Nefilinda said...

Thanks for sharing this, Jessica! Of course we all have bad days and times that we act in ways that are less than mature (been there!). What I appreciate is how authentic this is, the way you are completely honest about the whole thing. It's inspiring because THIS is God's grace in action, His ultimate expression of love: seeing us in those raw, imperfect, totally human moments....and then forgiving us, loving us, teaching us, refining us. And the temple is just the best place for recentering yourself.

By the way, I do agree that it's ridiculous that you couldn't use part of the pool, especially when the class is so small. Our gym has different parts of the pool that are used simultaneously for laps, classes and such. They only close it daily for an hour and a half for a team lap swim. I am sorry you felt so bad that day.

Nefilinda said...

Thanks for sharing this, Jessica! Of course we all have bad days and times that we act in ways that are less than mature (been there!). What I appreciate is how authentic this is, the way you are completely honest about the whole thing. It's inspiring because THIS is God's grace in action, His ultimate expression of love: seeing us in those raw, imperfect, totally human moments....and then forgiving us, loving us, teaching us, refining us. And the temple is just the best place for recentering yourself.

By the way, I do agree that it's ridiculous that you couldn't use part of the pool, especially when the class is so small. Our gym has different parts of the pool that are used simultaneously for laps, classes and such. They only close it daily for an hour and a half for a team lap swim. I am sorry you felt so bad that day.

Cari said...

Your photography is gorgeous Jess!

Heather said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Heather said...

Oh man... I can't tell you how much I feel for you and how nice it is to know I'm not the only one who has "yelled at the old ladies" so to speak. I need a Temple trip so bad right now too. I'm happy you were able to go :) Sadly the last time I forgot my temple recommend, we didn't get to go :( And in my opinion, that pool lady and pool rule is ridiculous!

Josh and Jill said...

I had the deployment card fail me a few times too and it makes me so mad! Hope this week is better for you! Call me if you need to vent, I sure needed a LOT of venting time when Josh was deployed. Love ya!

Aaron & Mely said...

I laughed and felt bad while reading this!! I'm sorry you girl. All I can say is I love you and miss you very much. Please please call or text if you need to talk, you know my kids are in bed by 8 pm. So I am free or doing house stuff after they are in bed. I will answer and talk or just listen. I miss your wonderful spirit. :0)