Sunday, February 19, 2017

Bedtime Stage

Stages.
You know... stages. The throwing a fit stage, the only Mom can buckle me in stage, 
the have to take a bath after every meal stage...
Well, this is the stage we're in with Luke...
When transiting Luke from a crib to a bed we'd put him to bed and lock the door so 
he could wander around everywhere and then open it after he fell asleep.
Since becoming potty trained, we've stopped that and he has learned that he can 
just walk out the door. So we find him in random places around the house when we go to bed. This time it was on the stairs...
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Oh my Lukeman... you're so cute. 
Even if you don't stay in your bed.
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Being his Mommy is my favorite. 
P.S- I love this stage. 
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Sunday, February 12, 2017

Krispy Kreme Babies

Weekends are pretty busy around here... We've (Tyler and I) have been working hard at building our Lularoe business and normally I have a party to prepare for on Saturday evenings. 
So we told the kids we'd do something special Saturday morning... so we went to the Krispy Kreme store to get some Valentines donuts! 
Jake approved!!!
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Luke... oh Luke... 
I love everything about this little boy. 
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Grins for the camera!!! That never happens!!! hahaha! 
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Pretty sure he's yummier than the donut. What am I saying? That's a given!!! 
Oh how I love baby profiles!
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Maggie Ila Payne... the sugar lover. All things sugar is what Maggie loves. 
Pretty sure it's what she's made of.
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Rachel Lynn... the big sister. The lover of "mothering" and "nurturing"... you can see it in her eyes...
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She also loves to pose for the camera... and I certainly don't mind...
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These jammies crack me up. This is what happens when you're the fourth kid...
Jammies get too small? Mom just cuts the feet off... hahahahaha! 
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We got home and I caught this picture of Dixie and I surprisingly love it. Sometimes its the most imperfect shot thats the best. 
And a few thoughts from Jess---
Life isn't perfect. In fact its far from perfect. I constantly have to remind myself to count my blessings and stop being so hard on everyone including myself. 
I came home from selling Lularoe... it was a long drive and not super fruitful. While I was gone Rachel accidentally left the water running in the upstairs bathroom and flooded it, causing the ceiling in the kitchen under to leak...... yep. A leaky ceiling.  It was easy to feel overwhelmed and stressed when I got home. And I'll admit it... I was. 
But after a good nights sleep I woke up feeling grateful. Grateful to have a home and a leaky ceiling. 
Grateful to have four crazy, mess making kiddos. 
Grateful.
I'm grateful!!!!
Life is so good. It really is! It's easy to get caught up in the stress and overwhelming moments. 
But golly... I LOVE MY LIFE. I love my children so so much. And I'm so blessed to be a Mama. 
The End.
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Sunday, February 5, 2017

Jump In

I had a wonderful Mommy opportunity to take a little road trip this weekend.
Driving by myself is therapy. I get lost in thoughts. Thoughts of my childhood. Thoughts of good times... happy times. Thoughts about my little family.
During this trip my mind kept going back to one thing... JUMP IN.
JUMP IN JESS. Just jump in.
When you walk through that door, don't let anxiety overwhelm you. Don't let the chores and dirty floors blur your vison and dampen your attitude.
You're babies are all here. THEY ARE HERE. They are all yours.
SO JUMP IN. Jump in at bedtime and do it with all your heart.
Jump in and make those cookies with the kids hovering and fingers sneaking into the bowl of dough.
Jump in tomorrow when they ask... "Mom, what are we going to do today?"
Just. Jump. In.
And love every second of it.

My Jake boy! Even though the days are long and leave me exhausted. I can't believe how fast the months go by...
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I'm not a perfect Mommy.
I yell and scream. I lose my patience. I skip prayers. I sit on the couch exhausted instead of doing fun things.
But gosh dang it, I'm going to try harder.
Because gosh dang it they are growing so fast!
I love my tribe.
And this baby... oh this baby...
I missed him the most this weekend.
I was told he missed me too.
He'd walk into our bedroom looking for me and yell "ma-ma, ma-ma! at bathtime and bedtime".
I can't tell you how happy it made me to be missed. I missed you too little buddy.
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Jake loves his Daddy. Especially when he eats his face.
JUMP IN.
This is our time.
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Sunday, January 29, 2017

Donuts,Cookies...... and Spaghetti!

Jake just want's people food. 
He has started to cry as soon as the baby food comes out.
Oh dear! hahaha!
I get my camera out ready to catch those smiles and boy are they hard!!! There's about 100 other photos of the ones you see below. He does NOT like to be interrupted when he's eating.
 haha.
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The whole family gets involved! Hootin and howlerin!
Jake Jake Jake!!! Is that a yummy cookie?!?!?
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Pretty sure he likes it... hehe...
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So handsome!
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On Saturdays if they kiddos are lucky we get them donuts.
It's heaven every time! 
I get lost in those eyes of his...
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My little thumb sucker...
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Spaghetti night this week was EPIC. 
The kid wouldn't stop crying until finally we realized he wanted the spaghetti. 
We plopped some on this tray and BAM! Now more crying. All business.
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I kept trying to get his attention for a picture...
NO MOM! 
Can't you see I'm busy???????
hahahahaha!
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Oh this baby boy. I love him.
I love him with cookies stuck down in his diaper, donut guts on this tummy, and spaghetti all over his face! I just LOVE HIM. I love this messy phase. It's the best. 
And we take a lot of baths. :) 
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Sunday, January 22, 2017

Lukeman is THREE!

Three... three years old... that still counts as a baby right? 
I'm saying yes. 
Okay, life can continue now. hehe

Luke turned 3 back in October. 
We keep birthdays simple around here... I mean we celebrate for sure, 
but we don't normally do big parties. 
We took the kids to the Big Top candy store down in Austin.
Super cool joint! Tons of old fashioned candies and lots of charm.
The kids had a blast choosing there poison. 
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Then I thought to myself... Luke is 3, Jake is 6 months... PICTURE TIME.
Let's get them dressed all cute and go to the park! 
So we did.
And NO ONE could get Jake to look at the camera.
Seriously Mom, dirt is so cool!
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Dirt, grass, rocks... so much to do!!!
{as Mom continues to tell everyone to get out of the shot and try and get Jakes attention... no go}
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Oh well, he's still fun to take pictures of even if he won't look... 
so bald! so chubby! so YUMMY! 
I just love him to pieces.
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LUKEMAN!!!!!!!!!
Bright, beautiful, HAPPY BOY! 
Luke is happy 99% of the time. 
He loves cars.
His favorite color?? Ask him and he'll say cars.
Favorite food... also cars
Hey Luke, what did you do today?... you guessed it- cars. 
He cuddles me in the morning and won't let me leave his side after nap time. 
Seriously, I try to get up and he lays across my lap and holds me down. haha! 
And I love it.
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Those cheeks! 
And baby fingers. 
Seriously, I can't believe how much he has changed already. And I can't believe how sad that makes me feel! JEEZ.
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Something about Luke that astounds me is his kindness. He has a kind heart like I've never seen.
He notices when people are sad and will try to help them. He is the best big brother EVER.
His love for Jake is seriously amazing. 
He hugs the girls when get home from school. (And is also super relieved when they leave for the day and he gets me all to himself... and jake of course) haha!
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Luke is also ALLLLL BOY. 
Cars. Balls. Guns. Dogs. Bugs.... and all his favorite things. 
He fights with his Daddy like the girls never did. It's crazy. And my girls can fight. 
He loves sprite, vanilla ice cream, chicken nuggets, pancakes... and all candy. 
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There's those eyes! Still not looking- but good enough .
I love this picture so much. 
Especially those dark eyes and that little bit of drool on his chin. {sigh...}
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I see you Luke!!! And I caught that smile!!! 
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My boy... so handsome! Golly! 
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Of course the birthday wouldn't be complete with a car cake that is CHOCOLATE! 
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Happy BIRTHDAY my Lukeman! I love you more than you'll ever know!
And you can stay three forever if you want. I won't mind.
Love,
Mommy
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Sunday, January 15, 2017

My Whole World

I turn 30 this year. 
I don't know why but it's been on my mind lately. 30 years old. 
I feel like I'm turning a page on an era of my life that I will never get back. A time of creating and growing a family. As I look back on the past 8 years I can't help but think- I DID IT! 
I did it.
I had four beautiful babies. 
And they are my whole entire world.
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I love being a Mom. 
I love everything about it. 
Even wiping butts.
Yep, I said it. Believe it or don't believe it. 
But those BUTTS are mine! My babies.
And I love those butts. Especially after bath time. :)
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I spend many hours a day cuddling and holding babies. 
If I could get credit for it on my activity app I'd be in outstanding shape! haha.
I love how much my children love me and need me. 
They make we what to be more... more grateful, more loving, more kind, more strong... just MORE.
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When I hear Jake start to cry from waking up from his nap my heart jumps! 
He's UP! 
Time to kiss that fuzzy baby head.
Over and over and over again.
It's a wonder he still has hair.
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My babies make me feel complete.
Like the world keeps spinning and time marches on...
but these babies... these babies right here... they are all that matter.
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Rachel's determined strength and will to be better every day inspires me.
Maggie's fierce ability to take a hit and get up and keep going with a big ole' smile makes me strong.
Luke's playful and kind spirit makes my heart keep pumping.
And Jake... oh Jake... his smile makes my day. Every day.  
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Guys, I had four babies.
To some thats no big deal. 
But for me... it's my greatest accomplishment.
No marathon, competition, PR, skill, talent, or money will EVER surpass this. 
I had four babies.
And they are mine. 
They are mine.
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Every night when I'm finished nursing Jake I rest his head on my breast and cuddle him tight.
This is my time to pray to my Heavenly Father for the day.
This prayer always includes... "Thank you so much for giving me these sweet babies! Help me be the Mom they deserve."
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"I want to share my life with them for all eternity."
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I have many insecurities that I won't go into. I'd say we all do.
But for some reason when I'm holding my babies they all fade away.
I am strong. I am Mama Bear. 
Hear me roar.
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Forever and always---
Mama is my name.
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With a c-section scar, stretch marks, tired eyes, and gained weight... 
I've never felt more beautiful than I do when I look at this picture.
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Believe it or don't believe it...
I knew Rachel was a Rachel Lynn. I knew she'd be just like me. I knew she'd have dark hair and dark eyes.
I knew Maggie was a Maggie Ila. I knew she'd be my peace. I knew she'd have blonde hair and blue eyes.
I knew Luke was a Luke William. I knew he'd be just like his Daddy. I knew he'd have blonde hair and blue eyes.
I knew Jake was my Jake Micheal. I knew he'd take after me (a little more than the middle two). I knew he'd have dark hair and dark eyes.
Ask Tyler.
I called it every time.
Each of my babies visited me in spirt and in dreams before they came to earth.
They picked me. And I picked them.
This I know.
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This crazy life is far from perfect.
Actually I take that back.
It's imperfectly perfect in every way.
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They make me happy.
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Look at what we created!!!! hahahaha!
The messiest creatures I've ever encountered! 
And the cutest.
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Yep. They are mine.  
All mine.
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Tyler and I's motto in the hard, messy times...
just keep loving each other.
Things will work out.
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I remember dreaming and thinking of my future family as a young woman. 
I wondered how many kids I would have... what they would look like and how awesome they would be.
I never in my wildest dreams could have dreamed up something this beautiful.
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My rock.
My support.
My laughter.
My reason.
My man.
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My boys fill a hole in my heart I never knew I had. 
Baby boys where made for Mama bears.
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When I look back on my twenties I think... holy smokes! How did I do that???
And I'll tell you how! 
Prayers, cuddles, cherry cokes, long runs, good friends, family, baby kisses, bedtime stories, movie nights, fun trips, dark chocolate, lifting weights, MY MAN!... and so much more! 
I did it. And this is only the beginning.
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"Hey Jess, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
...
...
...
"A MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just want to be a Mom.
I want to be Rachel's, Maggie's, Luke's, and Jake's MOM! 
I just want to be a MOM.
Thank you Heavenly Father and Tyler Payne for making me a Mama.
It's all I've never knew I've ever wanted.
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