Thursday, February 9, 2012

What I'm Made Of

There is one question that has been ringing in the back of mind ever since Tyler left.  
"Who are you when no-ones looking? Jessica, what are you made of?"
No one is around to ask me questions like... "Have you read your scriptures today?", "Have you said your prayers?", "Did you work out?", "Did you stop everything to play with your girls?", "Have you read to them?", "Have you taken them fun places?", "What time did you go to bed last night?", "How many Dove chocolates does that make for today?"... and the list goes on and on. 
This reminds me of a quote I read recently that applies perfectly:
"Have the determination to make the effort, the single-mindedness to work toward a worthy goal, and the courage not only to face the challenges that inevitably come but also to make a second effort, should such be required. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I’ll try again tomorrow.'"-Thomas S. Monson

Deployment Goals
I am an Eternal Companion.
-pray every day for my sweetheart.
-write him a letter once a week and mail it to him. 
-send him a nice, big package once a month.
-And THE BIG ONE- 16 blog posts a month. Man, I'm not sure about this. It's only 4 posts a           
 week, right? I can do that. (I think) Tyler loves to look at the blog at the end of
  the day and see what we've been up to. I think this would be a great treat for him. Supposing  
  he doesn't get good internet out there- I'll just have to mail it.   

I am a Mommy.
-Read books to my babies every day.
-Never miss Scripture Power time or FHE.
-Keep my voice down. 
-Take them out on dates.
-Dance with them every day! or tackle or give piggy back rides.
-Go on an outing every week. 
-Do something fun every week, something planned.- do a craft, teach a lesson, or teach a skill. 

I am Jessica- A Daughter of God. 
-Read something uplifting every. single. day. The Ensign, general conference addresses, or my                    scriptures. EVERY DAY! Even if it's only one verse or one paragraph.
- EXERCISE EVERY STINKIN DAY (except Sunday of course). This is key to a happy Jessica. It has always been my
  stress relief, my ME time. 
- Races and CrossFit Goals: Tough Mudder, Half Marathon, Sprint Triathlon, and possibly
  another Marathon after the summer??? Still thinking on that one. Anyone what to do it with
  me? Also, figure out how to get the Army to pay for receiving my CrossFit Level 1 and
  CrossFit Kids certification. 
- I have a vision, a vision of a beautiful home. I will continue to make, build, sew, organize to
  prepare for that glorious day when we step into our own space.  It's going to be
  Christmas times infinity folks!
- Go to bed at a decent hour.  10:30 is the ideal.  But no more staying up past midnight! I tell
   ya, it's hard for me to fall asleep. I have always been a night owl, but I so want to be an early
- Pray. Pray hard and pray often. Rely on my Savior instead of myself.  
- Fast. Fast hard and fast often. 
- Remember the "Forget Me Nots" (more on that later)
That's it for now.
*I reserve the right to change and tweek these goals whenever I deem necessary.

I don't want to just survive. I don't want to just "get through". I want to THRIVE. I want to GROW. I want my husband to see a different woman when he gets home- A better woman. 
I am not suggesting that I suppress discouragement or loneliness. Heaven knows I couldn't if I tried! I just want to act. I just want to be driven. Joseph B. Wirthlin puts it best when he says, 
"If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness." Come what May and Love it
Speaking of adversity- man how loved to play sports growing up. It was a love that my Dad instilled in me at a young age. I loved them all especially volleyball, softball, and wrestling. Despite my love for these sports, oftentimes I felt extremely frustrated with my performance.  I would come home completely discouraged. Oh the feeling of getting smacked in the face with a softball and not being able to open your left eye, all the concussions, the missed plays that could have won us the game, the getting pinned right in front of your family and boyfriend. Holy Smokes the humiliation! And yet, I loved it. The good times always made the bad times worth it. The home runs, the great catches, the spikes, the getting your arm raised... there isn't anything much better!

Lately, I've felt nothing but discouragement with my self discipline. I continue to do things that I know I shouldn't. I have prayed and fasted for the character and courage to do what I know is right when no one is looking. But, quite often I have failed at these goals. Hence the reason for taking so long to put them out there!
But then I go back to those good ole days when missing a fly ball was my greatest disappointment in life. It taught me a great lesson- keep trying, and don't give up. And that is exactly what I plan to do.
"Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I’ll try again tomorrow." 

Tomorrow it is. It's time to see what I'm made of. 


Pop and Nana said...

That's it Sugarbear. Remember my old saying "It is better to shoot for the stars and miss, than to aim for a cowpie and hit it." You are my Allstar!

Sutherland Family said...

Hahaha Mike! Cowpie!

Jess, you are totally right on! I think many people think the things you do, but don't write them down and don't ACT. You are doing it! We are not only praying for Tyler, we are praying for you! You are going to thrive!

Thanks for that paragraph about sports. Cody has had a hard week, losing a match he shoulda won, and he's very discouraged. I'm going to share that with him.

Did I mention you're awesome?!

Glen and Kris Payne said...

You are amazing! Driven!! A powerhouse that still wins way more often than you lose and always gets up at least one more time than they fall!

Krysta said...

Those are wonderful goals! You can do it for sure! Thank you for posting things like this. I needed to read it tonight especially. Not a good mommy day at all which makes me feel like the worst, most ungrateful and slothful person ever. I know we are all so hard on ourselves. Tomorrow is a new day and I am so grateful for that. As well as prayer and goal setting and examples to keep us moving in the right direction.