Monday, December 5, 2011

Runners Block

I have been suffering from a very serious condition. That is a very serious condition if you are a runner. Especially a runner who is due to run a marathon next month. The condition is called Runners Block.  I first reached this diagnosis the week after Thanksgiving.  I contributed it to all the turkey and bad eating habits, but after a week it just didn't seem to fade like I had hoped. 

I have been running like a crazy person the past few months!  Totaling 6 half marathons in the past 2 1/2 months and I don't know how many miles.  There have been moments where I've felt like I'm just gliding across the pavement! Five miles the week before felt like a breeze, a recovery day.  But now, five miles felt like fifteen.  Every step felt like drudgery and I couldn't keep my thoughts in a happy place.  You see, Tyler left last week.  I didn't think it would be a big deal since I'll be seeing him for Christmas, but I suppose the thought of only seeing him for ten days out of the next year has taken a toll on me, and I was letting ole' scratch get the best of me. All I could think was... one day at a time, one step at a time.  Eventually enough days will lead to a homecoming and enough steps will lead to that glorious 26.2 mile finish line. This had been my plan all along- something to motivate me and look forward to at the beginning of this deployment.   

So I continued to force myself to do everything that normally makes me happy!  Running, blogging, photography...  Until finally a breakthrough came!
It was 35 degrees outside today and rainy, but it had been two weeks since my last really long run and I could hear it calling my name.  I had the perfect opportunity to get out there while Grandma could stay home with the girls. I was determined! I just couldn't let the weather stop me!  So I grabbed my keys, a packet of gu, and a couple water bottles and parked my car at the top of the driveway and set out to run 18 miles. 

Let me tell you something.  It was cold.  Very very cold. I finally got around to my last lap when I decided to cut it short and go home, certainly 13 miles was far enough for a day like this.  But then I saw this on my dashboard...   
Bless that wonderful Mother-in-Law of mine.  She was an answer to my prayers this morning. That was all I needed. And I did it.  18 miles. 

While running that final lap I couldn't help but ponder the love of my Savior and the tender mercy he had shown me this morning.  Oftentimes I feel quite alone, but during that final lap I knew I wasn't.
The words of the hymn, "I Stand All Amazed" kept coming to my mind, particularly this verse....

"I marvel that he would descend from his throne divineTo rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,That he should extend his great love unto such as I,Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify."

That is exactly what I've been lately. Rebellious and Proud. Too rebellious and proud to read my scriptures or say my prayers thinking, "It won't do me any good, I just don't want to, or he never answers my prayers!".         
But even with a rebellious and proud daughter like me, he answered one of my most desperate prayers this morning, "Please keep me going, please give me a breakthrough." 

"Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me Enough to die for me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!"

Those beautiful words make me tremble every time. 


Mary Anne said...

JESS!! I have a baby in one arm so typing is a joke, but I had to comment on this! You are inspiring! It is so hard at the beginning. Not that it isn't always hard to be away, but the beginning...oh the beginning. PLEASE call me if you need to chat, blow off steam, laugh, cry, whatever! I'm glad you had a breakthrough...that was a very sweet sign. Hang in there Jess, you are doing fabulous...more so than you might think. It is hard, but look at you girl! Running 18 miles! And all those half marathons over the months. Goodness sakes. You are incredible.

Tyler and Jess said...

I stand amazed at how awesome you are.

Anonymous said...

I have to agree, you are pretty awesome!! I know you must be going through a lot right now, but the fact that you can still get out there and do it! You are truly an example to me Jessica! Just keep moving forward and before you know it you're done! :) Love ya girl!

Pop and Nana said...

Sugarbear-you have such a fighter's mentality. True, it's a double edged sword. One one hand is the pride thing and on the other is the personal grit and determination. I have found through expeience that grit and determination work a whole lot better with Christ. He is so amazing, and so are you! Love ya-Daddy

Sutherland Family said...

Tears. That's all I can say right now. You are on the right track. Small and simple things. Alma 37. Love you.

Unknown said...

I love that hymn... speaks to me every time. And I love this post. You're an amazing girl, Jessica! Keep up the good work, I'm proud of you :) 18 miles is no easy feat. Good job!

Jeni said...

Made me cry Jess! Beautiful! & 18 miles is AMAZING!!! 26 will be a breeze! Well, maybe not a breeze but do-able!!!!

Love you!!!