Thursday, April 2, 2015

For my Daughters and For Me.


So this blog post has been on my mind for several weeks. It's one I told myself I wouldn't share. It's one I told myself would make me feel weak and small. It's one I told myself is too hard to relate to. It's one I told myself I could just share privately with those who may be interested in hearing it. 

After telling myself all these things it hit me like a ton of bricks. 

Share it anyway.
Not for you. Not for them. But for your daughters. 
One day they may go through this and this is something they need to hear from this Mommy. The Mommy that's going through it, not the Mommy who has been through it. Not from a memory, but from today. 
So my darling daughters--- this is for you.

Depression. It's real and it happens. The most frustrating thing about depression is that it's hard to see it coming, and it's hard to stop it. My sweet Rachel and Maggie--- it doesn't just hit the weak and tired. You don't have to be a gloomy person to get it. You can be a bright, happy, beautiful, strong woman and still get it! 

There are days where I feel like my entire body is consumed in darkness. From the ends of my hair all the way down to my tippy toes. Like no matter how many songs I sing, miles I run, how heavy I lift, or hugs I get, it still consumes my day. In these moments call me. Call your Momma. We'll get our toes done and drink big Sonic drinks and we'll laugh so hard we cry. 
But when you can't call me or you're too far away remember, "This too shall pass". Cling on to your babies and husband. Cling to your scriptures. Call upon the power of Heaven to lift you through it. Stand in the sunshine. Pray with all your might. And never forget that your Savior knows EXACTLY what you're going through. He knows you better than you know yourself. And boy does he LOVE you. Never forget that. He loves you. 
And so do I. 


P.S- Don't forget to take one step at a time. One cure for a depressed Momma is kissing her babies. I kiss you guys so much it's crazy. Kiss those babies. Take pictures of them making messes. And cuddle them tight at naptime.
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P.S.S- Don't compare yourself to others. It's certain to make it worse. I know sometimes this seems like an impossible task, but it's worth taking on. Everyone is fighting a battle, even if you can't see it. Do something every day to make yourself feel beautiful. Everyday I put on a little makeup and I always wear earrings. Just because it makes me feel beautiful. And feeling beautiful it important. 
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P.S.S- Run, squat, lift, box, yoga, CrossFit, walk, bike--- ANYTHING to make your body strong and healthy. This is a powerful drug. One to empower you. One to inspire you. One to make you better. And one to bring you closer to God if you let it. 
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I got this. 
You got this.
Now lets go get that Sonic drink. ;)

Love, 
Momma Jess

6 comments:

Holly Larson said...

Jessica, I love this blog post so much! I love that you are so real and you tell it like it is. :) I agree so much with everything you said...and especially about making yourself feel beautiful! It's amazing how something simple can make you feel fabulous! Thanks for being such a wonderful example!! :)

Pop and Nana said...

Oh Sugarbear, your Mom and Dad love you so much. We sure hope we gave you enough hugs and kisses as you were growing up. Your statement on depression is as strong as your spirit and personality!

Lindsay Himmer said...

Oh Jess, this post spoke to my soul. I can relate to it so much. Thank you for sharing this.

Sutherland Family said...

And, get a dog. They know when you're sad and they give love and ask for nothing in return. Hang in there... the sun will come up tomorrow!

Glen and Kris Payne said...

So glad you shared so openly! What a treasure you are. I cried all the way through this amazing honest post. Can I go to Sonic too?

Rifka Jensen said...

Oh my gosh. I love your guts. Your tenderness and fierce strength is amazing. Girl. Go you. We need more of you all over this world! :)